with your own penis?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
