She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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