so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
