just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
