I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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