apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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