You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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