let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
