Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
