I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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