I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
