It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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