ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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