we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
