3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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