I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
