we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
