nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so let's talk penis.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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