I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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