They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
