Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
