There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
