Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Say something about gay babies.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
