She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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