She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
