I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
