just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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