I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
