we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
