I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
