So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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