I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
