Having a random hookup so left but love u
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
