He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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