My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
