Will you blow on my dice?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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