Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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