found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
