I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
