Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
