I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
