I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
