We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
