Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
