just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
