Say something about gay babies.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
