I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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