I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
