Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
