Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
