Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
