I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
