i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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