I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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