His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
