This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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