maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
