hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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