He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
