Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
