Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
