I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
