Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
