Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
