last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
