tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
