You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.