Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
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you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!