he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
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But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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