I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.