Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
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Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
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Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.