she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
