Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
