The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
