just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
