i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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