i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
