he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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