I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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