Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
